I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
