the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
