your parents love me but you hate me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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