you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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