after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there is glitter all over my balls
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
