Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
