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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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