...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
