I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
