Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
