Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
