Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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