At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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