maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I die, sorry about rent.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
