I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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