She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
