i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
