After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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