the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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