woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
