Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
