I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
