remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
