come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
