Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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