my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My bed smells like the plague
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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