I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize