Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
