I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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