Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
