After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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