After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
