I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
love makes seman taste better
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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