dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
