omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
