he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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