feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
