She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
