I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
