the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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