yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
