she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
