the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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