I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize