I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
