So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Boobs speak an international language.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
