You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
