how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
