Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
