I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
