You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
