he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
