I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
