I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize