you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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