Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.

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(210): View more from Texas

I've decided to bang my pen-pal.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.

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(301): View more from Maryland

the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?

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(510): View more from California

How are you and your magical vagina doing today?

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