i wish my penis had a tongue
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize