I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
