I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
