There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
