after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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