I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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