I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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