Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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