I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
