Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
