i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
